When my husband suggested we tell our story of our journey I was a little hesitant, mainly because I didn’t think anyone would be interested really. But after seeing the responses we’ve had and knowing other friends are going through something similar, maybe it might help…or maybe not! Im not the best with words, i will just be saying it from the heart and how i felt So here it goes…
Andy’s already painted a picture of the events of last year involving baby H. So I will start with where I was before all this happened.
2015 into Jan 2016 I was focused and passionately working away at growing my work from home business. I was going to events, going to meetings, holding my own meetings. I was pushing out of my own comfort zone. I was having the normal ups and downs of life.
My 2 children had clubs and school run, so that was me. Like most mum’s I know…we juggle, we struggle, we smile, we laugh and it’s just something we do.
I had planned where I wanted to be in my business so the activity I needed to do matched where I wanted to be, if that makes sense. I spent a lot of time with the kids. I had time one on one with them. I was basically at a stage where I had all the children I wanted, i was done with child birth, mopping up sick and changing yucky nappies!
So, Jan 2016… wow! What a whirl wind of a year we were about to have.
H’s mum and I do not get on at all. I’m not sure why maybe she thinks I’ve taken her uncle Andy away from her who knows. Despite our differences and my reluctance to have anything do with her I met up with H’s mum to talk about being at the birth. I had been present at another one of her children’s birth and for whatever reason she wanted me there for this one too. I remember her being calm and talking softly as she asked me to be at the birth of baby H. After a few tears and a hug I agreed but made it clear that it wouldn’t mean we would become best buddies or anything. Too much had happened.
A few hours later after that chat, mum went into labour and H was born! A week or so later I met H. I will never forget the first day I met him…he was a beautiful baby. As I cuddled him he smiled at me (yes it could have been wind but I prefer my thoughts on it) it was like we instantly knew each other, it was like we bonded on some level. Sounds strange but that’s how it felt.
I didn’t see him after that until he moved in. His mum’s mental health over the week had deteriorated badly to the point she couldn’t take care of him. All I can remember is the struggles that my husband’s parents had trying to keep H’s mum calm and focused on H. I can’t describe to you the verbal abuse, stress and pressure that followed.
As a family everyone had tried to protect my husband’s parents from seeing her behaviour but now they were experiencing it first hand. It was a very stressful time as it started to effect their health and were worried sick!
So, if your still reading this…we now come to the week that changed our lives forever.
Monday to Wednesday of that week there were phone calls,emails, more phone calls and visits from social services asking us if we would be in a position to look after H.
My husband approached me and asked me if we could look after him while his mum got better. I honestly don’t know how he must have felt asking me as he was fully aware I didn’t want anymore children! Both of ours were at an independent age and I could start looking at focusing my time on the forever business. My time.
Without thinking I refused! I had plans, I wanted this, I wanted that! I was angry to have been put in a position where I could be the one responsible for this child going into care! No way! Thats not fair! I didn’t want another baby!…I know what you’re thinking, how selfish, but not at any point in this blog am i going to lie. After some heated words between me and my husband I told him, you decide you can’t ask me to make that choice.
I couldn’t help but think of what it would do to my children, my son was the baby. How would he feel about another baby being in our home. My son is attached to me and I love that as much as he did. My daughter has been asking me to have another baby for ages so I knew how she would feel.
I had so many questions, thoughts and mixed feelings about this whole situation and in some way just wanted it to disappear! I didn’t want any part of the manipulation, hurt, and hardship that I had seen the other sisters go through. I was always happy to support them and admired what they had done but I couldn’t do that!
Thursday 28th January 2016, 3pm we received a phone call after social services had take the case to court deciding H couldn’t stay with his mum anymore. I was just about to get out of the car to pick my son up from school, the court official said, “the court have granted that H stay with you”. I left the car in disbelief. Picked up my son and went back to the car to continue school run.
You know when your ears are ringing after a night out?….that’s how I remember the next few hours. Life was happening around me but I wasn’t there. That kind of feeling.
So that was it, decision made. We had a baby coming home for 6 months. I decided then and there whilst driving up to collect my daughter that this was not going to have a negative impact on my children. We waited until both children were in the car and told them that baby H was going to be living with us. They were thrilled the excitement and love I felt from there innocent look on the situation made me feel ashamed that I dismissed it at the start.
H arrived at 7pm that Thursday eve ing in a Moses basket, the clothes on his tiny body and a nappy bag with a few nappies but no wipes! We had nothing at home. We didn’t have any time to get ready for him to arrive. I went to get wipes from the shop with tears streaming down my face. I had no idea how I/We were going to do this.
How would we cope with a new born, going back to basics.
It really hit me hard!